Life turned its angle..
Love sank..
Feelings are to be kept..
Days turned dark..

Rain freezes..
Ice melted..

The corner turned with every moments vanishing..

Never wants this again..

Sorry everyone..
Its my fault today..

A big thanks to Juli.. =)

Disappointment is all I experienced today..
Why?
Reason for not putting in effort:
Lazy..
Leg wobble..

Bullsh*t..
This didn't create that much of disappointment..
Is when people said they give up..
I wanna run and run and run..
Non-stop..

I hate hearing it..
Why can others make it but not us?
Was it my fault?
What can I do to improve?

I have people telling me:
We can't make it la..

When you know can't do it..
WORK HARD!!

Nevermind..

People.. I know I should cheer up..
But I really don't know how..
Please give me suggestions..

Can you be there again?

Netball has never failed to cheer me up,
Make up my mistakes..
Yet, this time, netball only work for half of it..

I seemed so lousy..
The moment thoughts of someone come..
My mind was ruined..

What has the someone did..
Is actually 2 people..(Not my sister)
I do not know how to present myself
whenever she come to my mind..
I lost my way of direction
whenever she appear..
I am scare of her..
Is there anything going to happen to my Netball??
I am scare...

The other one??
He gave me EVERYTHING..
Happy, Sad, Disappointment, Fustration, everything..
When he left..
What's left?
Everything other then happy..
Why can't I be happy?
He was once too important to me..

Who is he?
Why can't I simply said it out?
Cos..
Because..
I am scared..
I am afraid of facing the consequences..

I am facing him almost everyday
Even during holidays.. (Not my brothers.. ~.~)
Cos, even in my dreams, he appeared..

Months and days have passed..
Yet, thoughts have not been forgotten..

After months,
why all of a sudden, so much of him came out??
cos,
I miss him..

How much do I miss him?
All of his msg are kept..
All his picts are kept..
All his words are remembered..
Everything of him remained in my mind..

I really wish 2 years ago..
I don't get to know him..
Don't get to see him..
will everything still be the same..?
When I don't see him, know him??

Haiz..
and Haiz..
and only haiz..

Could I have done more?
Could I have been more devoted?
Or could have have just do nothing?
What's the correct path?
I don't know..
I really don't know..

Thanks heaven..
One more year..
I will leave the sad place..
The place that had too much too much bad memories..

I use to say that canteen is beautiful..
But now, the canteen is just so ugly and empty..

In the past, no matter how bad my day is..
Him and/or netball..
NEVER fail to cheer me up..
But now......

Since I came back from the trip..
I seem sad..
Yes, I am sad..
You can say I write this cos I am AA..
Whatever..
I am emo..
Up to you..

I gotta say..
this trip has told me truth..
Nothing but truth..

Though truth are cruel..
But they are good truth..
They are good truth, why am I sad??
Why??
Cos, I don't know how to react to it..

Life oh life..
Cheer up?
I don't know how..
When everything goes wrong,
How do I face it?
Is this called stress?
I think its call sadness..

Am I the only one feeling such after the trip?
Am I?
If you are, do tag..

How can I make myself feel better?
Do things that I should do?
But that's shouldn't be the way..

Though I feel sad
Yet, I can't cry..
Or, I am not sad actually?
Or it wasn't called sad?
I don't know..
Its up to individual to interpret..
To me..
sad is what I called..

What I wanna do now?
Shout and scream my lungs out..
This seen mad..
But its the best way to get rid of my sadness..
Since I have no one to talk to now..
Don't tell me, I can talk to you..
There is only 2 and 1/2 people
That i can talk to with no fear..
But none of them is available now..

I really hope to talk to him again..
But I know I can't..
Well.. he is not the 2 and 1/2 people..
I never tell him anything about myself..
As in, deep in details..

I still remember..
Last year 15th April..
.................................

But its all over..
Nothing can change..
Cos..
If anything change..
the price to pay is high..
I mean Really High..

Now, it just seem like last year Aug..
Things were bad then..

How bad?
second worst period of my life..

I know its no point being sad..
But I really don't know what to do to pick myself up..

After truth are been discovered..
I am..
Lost..?
I don't know..
my mind..
is just simply...
I don't know..
Yet I need to act as if..
I know..

Who can help?
Only you!
Who?
HIM!
Who?
I don't know..
cos..
I know he will never appear again..
Who else?
The 2 and 1/2 people..
Where are they?
Not in Singapore..
1/2??
Don't wanna talk with this 1/2 person again..

Nvm...

Whoever knows..
knows..
Whoever don't know..
Please don't ask..

Thanks..

......

Here's an entry for netball..

Gathering for HGV netballers..
-24th June..
-East Coast Park..
-ALL NETBALLERS!
-Include current batch of sec 4, Ai ping and Xue ting as well as current HGV Netballers..
-will be meeting Kai Ling
-For more info.. contact Marianne..
-Thanks!

Street Netball Competition
-17th, 18th June..
-Plaza Singapura
-The 2 team Players..
-Please contact me to meet up for training..
-My plan:
-->training dates as following: Today, 13th, 15th June..
-->Time: 5.30pm
-->Venue: a netball court outside school..
-->For more info: contact me..
-Do come down and support us..
-The competition will start at 11am

Ytd, there was NSL at Toa Payoh Sports Hall.. Wonderful!!
Congrats to KaiLing!!

Thanks to 4 pretty ladies out there..
Stacie, Amirah, Sarina and Diyva..

You guys tried your best to brighten the trip for me..
Thanks with love from the bottom of my heart..

I really wanna scream..
I really wanna shout..
Things were worst than I expected..
Life turned into dark clouds..
Never wants it again..
Yet, I don't know what to do..
Horrible feelings made me feel SUCKS..
The world overturned and tell me to stop..
Yet, I have no idea how to stop..

Who am I?
I am no one..
Who are you guys?
You guys are wonderful..

What happened?
Many things..
Have I changed?
I don't know..
But I guess I did..
For better?
I don't know..

What's the main cause?
Partly is this trip that made me think..
Partly is cos of what happened on 12 March..
What's 12 March?
The day, that my love has to be kept..
The day, that I almost lost everything..
The day, that I cried for the longest..
The day, that I never want it again..
The day, that I think that life is evil..
The day, the day, the day..

Why the trip?
Isn't it fun?
Isn't there so many first time?
Isn't it?
No.. all turn all rotten..
Its a trip that I spoilt my own image..
Its a trip that I wanna apologize..
Its a trip that I shouldn't go..
Its a trip that is not for me..
Its a trip that made me know what's in my heart..

What's in my heart..?
My heart only contain evil and evil..
Why?
I guess its what I have been true..
I can't be like others..
Others are good..
I am lousy..

Can someone get me out of this nightmare?
Please..
I had enough..
But I don't know what to do to stop..
I really don't know..

....

I was excited over it..
Happy about it..
Yet, it turn out to be dark clouds..
the darkness cover me..

There was so many first times
yet, the first times didn't really turn out to be good
Wanna thanks a few people who gave me shines

I wil never forget the darkness that cover me..
the situations that I met
make me lost my way..

I really don't know who I am..
I felt so evil..
I felt so sad..
I really don't know what's life..

I sucks..
You hate me..
Its not your fault..

The moment words are out..
I feel so lousy..

I don't know what is call care..
Everything I do is for the sake that I am scared..
I know this is wrong..

I know I am selfish..
Yes! I know..
Cos I feel that life is evil..

For everything in the world..
It seem to be against me..

Whatever I wanna do..
People aren't putting in effort for it..

I really don't know what's life
What's the meaning of it..?
I don't know what am I getting at the end of the day..

Perth good?
Ans: Not too bad..

Enjoyable?
Ans: ok la..

Wanna go again?
Ans: YES!! I LOVE THE BEACH!

Ok.. for the time being that's all for Perth.. when I get picts.. then I update more bt it..

Well during this long journey.. many things happened.. and think though many many things..
I somehow lost my way.. I don't know how to carry myself.. Feeling damn horrible..

Sometimes its wrong to walk away
Though we think its over,
knowing when there's more to say
Suddenly, the moments gone
and our dreams have ended here
and you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me
have you ever love and lost somebody
wished there was a chance to say I love you
Can't you see?
That's the way I feel about you and me, baby..

This was part of my performance.. but I wanna say this to ______

This will most probably my last entry before I turn 15! Cos 2 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!

These few days, though holi, but still can see me in school.. Today got Solar Car Competition.. HAIZZ.. ARGH!!! haha..

To my dear sis here: I will treasure you man.. I realise something.. I promise to treasure you!
To Pei Yun: I promise to help you in al ways I can just like how my sis helped me.. At least I will give you a hug everyday.. I promise!

I am very excited now man! Over? hehe.. shall not tell first! When I update my blog again then tell.. Blah..

Oh no! gotta go busy first.. update my when I am free..!

Anyway.. THANKS MUM!! THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT I EVER GET!

Wasn't in mood to blog for the past few days.. The week was very chaotic.. Well.. its a past.. shall not bother with the chaos..

Holiday started.. I was been asked a funny qn.. Do I have time to do other activities since I am so busy? Of COURSE!! I play netball as and when I want so long I have a netball in my hand.. I go out whenever I wants so long no objection from my parents.. Slack and work hard whenever I want.. You guys may think I am lying.. but well that's true.. just sometimes some of my friends find abit hard to fix into my time.. But I guess I can only have this life till the end of this year.. or maybe this life will end after june.. cos O' level coming.. well.. this is LIFE.. haha

I flare up last Wed.. cos a idiot irritated me to the core.. Buddy, I didn't mean to flare up at you.. This idiot was too irritated that I flared up at my friend.. =(( sorry buddy.. The idiot was giving me problems man.. Idiot YOU BETTER SHUT UP!! Don't want to talk to me then don't even ask me to do things..

Wanna blog my homework as a reminder.. NOT TO BOAST!!
1. E.Maths FYS
2. A.Maths FYS
3. Chem WS
4. CL Bk
5. SS Proj
6. Phy WB
7. EL Assignments..(3)

Been doing the E.Maths FYS.. I spent 2 days to finished it.. 84 qns to be completed.. WOW! that's alot.. (to me) but well.. That's Mrs Tan.. haha.. ok shall go rest liao.. tmr still need to go out.. BYE people.. Sleep well..

*Count down!!-->6 days...(Not to world cup ~.~) *

Well.. i guess many people have mistaken my words.. i am not trying to build up any anger within anyone.. Before I wrote it.. I have a warning.. that if you will be offended don't read.. To the Passer-by.. I am not saying that its wrong to express your view.. and i got your words.. That was just my point of view towards school.. I wrote it when I was angry the other time.. Well.. I guess I have the right to express whatever I feel in my blog right? Same for you.. you have right to express your view too.. Well, I understand what you mean.. and I have also looked at the other view of the school.. =) I said sorry cos.. I have some comments from my OTHER friends..

People.. forget watever you have read.. on the entry that those who know I have deleted.. Its my fault for writing that.. Sorry..

Been BUSY!! today holi still need to go back to school.. =(

rush down to Bishan to buy some stuffs and settle the car.. damn tiring man..

I looked through thw calender if today wasn't a holi.. for the whole year.. none of the thurs wil be a holi.. n i wont miss netball.. grr.. nvm..

To _ _ _ _ _: Take a break when you need it.. don't stress yourself up..

GOODNIGHT!

By having good results.. parents will be happy for the child right?? I told my mum some of my result.. What she said made me feel that I did very lousy.. =( I told her that I am very happy with my Chem result yet she just said.. where did the half-mark gone?? As if.. I am just doing very lousyly.. =(

I got 99.5/120 for chem.. I am very happy for the result.. I was hoping that my mum will be happy for me too.. cos since young my science has been horrible.. but she don't seem too.. =(
Had I done badly?? How good is then call good..???

Did I do really that bad? I was careless.. I KNOW.. I lost 2 marks for nothing I was upset with it.. VERY UPSET.. yet.. she seem like blaming me.. hinting me that I am lousy..

I got back almost all the result.. DON'T COMMENT ANYTHING ON MY RESULT!!

Chem- 99.5/120
Phy- 98/120
Bio- 64/120
Maths- 96/100
A.Maths- 94/100
Social Studies- 30/50
Elective Geography- 15/25
CL(Paper 2)- 71/100
EL- Unknown..

Whole day been playing game and went for a jog just now.. still bad.. 25 min.. die liao.. haiz..

"I don't know if you are reading my blog.. oh well.. just wanna say.. please stop making me jealous.. I had enough of crap from you.. I know your life is good.. I KNOW!! You know OBVIOUSLY he is not online.. then PLEASE DON'T put things that you wanna tell him.."

Goodnight..

MYE has come to an end..

I read many blog on how their owners feel about exams.. well.. MANY said they will fail badly.. I personnelly hate reading such thing.. cos.. many of them said will fail badly the other time (last yr??) some did extremely well and some even came in first.. haiz.. nvm.. exam over.. shall not think too much.. =)

I shall start GAMING now!! haha.. BYE!

Feeling kind of sian now.. Just finish the revision for Physics.. Hopefully the info gets into my head.. haha.. and I AM HUNGRY now.. Ha!! I am influence by someone for this.. haha..

Last time when I stay up late, I will sms someone.. and this someone will be have supper at this "early" time.. haha.. But sad.. now can no longer sms this someone.. night life at home become bored liao..

Talk about this.. Kinda miss those days' life.. Really miss those days smsing this someone.. I had a record of smsing this someone from 1am to 5am!! Was kind of fun.. Will suan4 one another, talk crap, etc.. Who is this someone?? Ha! Shhhh.. Blah..!=P But if you know I am talking about.. sms me again, can?? Thanks..!

Ok.. now is 2am in the morning.. shall have a few hr of rest before go school tmr.. BYE!

Tmr PHYSICS!!!!! haiz.. i got the influence from Li Ling liao.. damn! hahaha.. jkjk..

But seriously I have no idea what to study for PHYSICS.. can never transform the theory into practical.... nvm.. just learn watever can get into my brain..

and tmr is the LAST DAY OF MYE!! Actually it is not smth to be happy abt.. cos.. end of MYE means gotta be busy again.. and seriously I have a very pack schedule.. =( nvm.. its good to experience things while young =)

Now I know why ppl hated Mrs Peng so much.. Ha! I shall not go into too much detail of it..

To all HGV Netballers: Celebration cum Gathering is cancelled..

Shall go and stuff myself into PHYSICS.. BYE!

Just kind of bored now.. can't concentrate on my revision..

Shall just blog facts of tmr exams.. =)

Why British don't let Singapore get independence?
1.For their own interest
-Singapore is a good port.
2.Communist threat
3. Singapore has no natural resource.

Why want merger?
Singapore:
1.to gain independence more easily
2. S'pore is a natural part of Malaya
Malaya
1. to control the communists
2. Singapore got excellent port

Merger Talk:
1. Common Market
2.Loan to Borneo Territories
3.Constitutional Matters
4. Citizensip
5. Special Rights of the Malays

What's the reaction?
Singapore: agree but PAP was splited..
Malaysia: initially at 1950s rejected but in 1961, agree
Sabah and Sarawak: agreed
Brunei: rejected
Philippines:not happy
Indonesia: not happy

haha.. ok.. go concentrate liao.. =(

Damn freaking angry now.. I have been angry since last night with my father..

"Your daughter want to lend a bike from the her friend and keep it at home.. Home got no space"

"Mei ah, you won't have the time to go cycling.."

The first sentence is by my mum the next sentence is by my father.. What's this man?? I am not angry with my mum.. I AM AGRY WITH MY DAD!!! I don't have time?? Come on la! You got see me busy before on weekend until no time to rest?? Have? DON'T HAVE! I want to go east coast you people think that is too dangerous.. I cannot go.. Bro in NS he still can have his bike.. what the hell is this?? It is simply bias.. Last time when want to give away the bike.. I resist and he told me the same old thing: You won't have time to go cycling! Just because my the other bro don't bike means I DON'T BIKE?? Come ON!! I am different! NOw just borrow bike say the same old things again.. 1 DAY I WILL HAVE MY OWE BIKE!! HMPH!!

So damn angry..

You guys make find it silly to be angry over such thing.. but I WANT TO CYCLE!! He NEVER understand what I am thinking..

I serious think that.. have a home equal no home.. go out later thn my mum give mi black face nag and nag.. say until i am bitch.. WTH!.. Ytd, go out until 10+ only then nag as if no tmr.. Ytd, want to go watch match, she don't let, I already didn't go lo.. Afternoon go play netball for while.. COS I can't study! Then might as well go relax la.. Then she say.. You can't have a sat stay at home for 1 whole day.. COME ON!! I HAVE LO!!.. When I stay at home what you want me to do?? The otherday stayed at home, I was bored to death!! So Boring la! I know now is exam.. but still need to relax de lo.. People just simply don't appreciate things.. In evening went out with Marianne, come home at 10+.. then nag and nag.. come on la.. ONLY 10+!!! My bro say will come home at 10, end up come home at 12.. NOTHING HAPPEN! WHAT IS THIS??? I go out not for nothing lo.. I have something to do that's why I went out..

ARGH!!!

A girl so what? Can't stay out late? Can't have a bike?? BIAS!

The other day got even more ridiculous thing... My mum stop me from going JOGGING!! WTF!! Jogging also want to stop me! JOGGING IS HEALTHY!! But I don't care.. I know myself well.. I want to jog!..

If I don't want or I know I shouldn't I won't ask you people to give me permission..

What on EARTH IS THIS?? In a home that there is nothing.. Ok, not nothing.. just that whatever I want to do.. I am not allow to do so..

I know it may seem that I am forcing my parents to give me EVERYTHING.. they don't give its ok.. BUT WHAT FOR GIVE ME SHIT WORDS?? I am still not that angry with my mum.. AT LEAST SHE EXPLAIN WHY SHE DON'T LET WITH REASONABLE REASONS.. But I am still angry cos something that she stop me are quite ridiculous lo.. like go jogging.. I AM THE MOST ANGRY WIH MY FATHER.. Can't have bike cos I WILL HAVE NO TIME!! STUPID REASON!

HMPH! ARGH!!!