The Truth

I have yet to find the motivation to get me to be more involved in my course. In fact, I am not quite interested to ask for more from myself. I am not motivated to do well in the course. It feels like a useless course to me. I am carrying on with course simply because it is mandatory.

I know I need to be diligent, be interested, be inspired that my profession will help a lot of people and be well versed with the facts of all the modules. However, I am simply not interested nor inspired to be a physiotherapist. There are many reasons behind it.

The education system has made learning lifeless. It is all about know the facts, not about problem solving. We are probably no different from China's education where everyone is busy memorising the facts and does nothing else.

Result is the most important indicator of your success. Everyone focused on the result and not the learning process. If you do not score an A/B, you are deemed as an useless student who has chosen to be stupid. And you will be a great physiotherapist if you are in the Dean's list. I don't deny that result reflects your learning and your ability to comprehend facts. However, way too much focus has been placed on the result that no one cares about your learning.

No one cares about you. When everyone is so concerned with their results, no one has time to care for you. If you meet any difficulties, you are left to rot. I don't blame my friends nor my lecturers for being practical as the society has shaped them to be this.

Everyone believes that life revolves around studies if you different, you are thought to be a fool. As everyone is devoted to scoring A and thus, do not have any time to care for you, the narrow-minded folks will believe that it is stupid and silly to do anything beyond studies. In their opinion, 'work-life balance' is the stupidest phase. We then start chatting about life on different frequency. A strained friendship is usually the end result.

The above factors have distanced me from learning. No one understands all these. No one understands why I value fun learning more than the result. No one understands why I am feeling lonely. No one understands why I hate studying so much now.

Everyone only understands that by getting a diploma, it will get me a job with decent pay. Everyone only sees that I am a lazy person who refuses to be diligent. Everyone thinks that playing sports is silly, result is more important. Everyone thinks that I will fail.

What a year thus far!

Sometimes, I see how God is trying so hard to make me appreciate my course.

If it is not okay, it is not over. Work hard.

I went to look for my lecturer, Claudia, for help with regards to my shoulder issues. Well... Like any other physiotherapists I have met, I was grilled. It was more of a student-lecturer interaction than patient-therapist interaction. It was STRESSFUL. I didn't quite like it.

Despite the unpleasant session, my shoulder feels a lot better. I am determined to work hard. I HATE the feeling of being looked down.

Clinical attachment started 3 days ago. I thought the grilling session at Claudia's place was bad but the attachment was worse. I have never felt so incompetent.

I am quite discouraged on the first day. I could have made the choice to leave the course and do something else. Thus, having a negative mindset coupled with pressure from my supervisor, I felt really lousy and overwhelmed.

I am in the paediatrics department. It saddened me to see infants and adolescents who are born with diseases, deformity or genetic issues. I thought to myself that no matter what we do, the kids will never be perfect. They will only struggle in the future in our competitive society.

Today, I saw a DMD 30 years old patient. He inspired me. 30 years old is considered a long life-span for a DMD patient. Despite the challenges he faces in daily life, he continued to be a useful person and contributes to the society in every way he could. My profession helps to prolong his life and decrease his chances of infections.

I come to realise that my profession cannot make someone perfect. However, we can help to improve their quality of life and assist them to contribute the society in whichever ways they would like to.

Mui, it is not over yet.

November

Time flies. It is already November! 2014 is coming!

School is going into the fifth week and things are getting hectic and crazy. Despite the packed academic schedule, things are starting to look good too. I guess the turning point is my attitude towards things.I have learnt how to let go things faster than I used to. I have also learnt to begin every judgement with a positive view. It makes life A LOT easier and I handle less troubles.

Clinical 2B is starting soon. Everything will be great! :)