Before i start today's entry.. just reply to some post..

to J: thanks.. =)
to LY: eh.. not sad actually.. just had some flashback ytd.. ya.. =)

Yesterday while playing netball had a bad fall.. I injured my knees, hand, n mouth.. =( hand wasn't really serious.. but knees were pretty bad! Mouth there.. my friends thought was pimple.. ~.`

I guess this week will have no netball for me.. :'( seriously man! cos really hurts!!

Ok, gotta rest alr.. BYE!

2 years back.. I know him, 2 years back I know her. Now she and him are together. 2years ago, I thought, 2 years later, I don't wanna think!

A simple sentence that contain thousands and millions feelings..

2 years ago.. I know him.. ya.. around this time in 2004 and know him.. its during a Sat I think or during weekday, can't really remeber.. :( but anyway, ya.. really has that memory of how I knew him.. I don't wanna go into details of it la.. sorry!

2 years ago I know her. Ya.. I started playing in hgv netball team in around June/July 2004.. I only slowly know people there well in End of July, Start of Aug.. but then right.. there is this person, I always frget her name.. I can remember others but not her's.. LOLx.. but end up we are the closest of all.. LOLx

Now she and him are together.. Yaaa...... its on 12th March.. ya! Don't wanna talk much about this..

2 years ago, I thought.. 2 years later I don't wanna think. 2years ago.. I thought of just thinking of him everything.. but now.. I really wanna stop myself thinking esp. after ytd what I heard. its pointless thinking, its worthless thinking.. so now.. i just wanna stop myself thinking but yet.. it's a very difficult..

a sentence that contains, happy, amazement, sad, etc feelings.. lots and lots feeling that words can't be used to describe..............

For quite a long time, didn't go back on Sat for lesson.. oh well.. to had umpiring and refreeing.. ya.. had fun la.. SPORTS!! afterwhich went to eat with NPCC people.. and had a conversation with someone(M):
M: Why ur nick recently like so sad?
me: Life quite boring lo, everyday, go school, come home, eat sleep
M: and when you grow up, go work come home, look at child and husband and this is ife.
me: ya la, life is so boring lo..

and blah blah.. can't rmb liao.. sorry M tt i need to lie.. there are some other reason why I am sad.. I really dun noe how to put down things.. haizz...

I am here just to write a reminder list for myself of what need to be done this weekend..

->Perth skeleton(adjustment)
->Maths WS
->A. Maths TB
->E.Maths TB
->Chem WS
->Tcher day, details planning..
->Test on Mon and Fri. A.Maths, Geog.

Tada, done.. BYE!

I gotta say I am confused now. I really don't who can I trust now. Cos even the people who are closest to me are lying. Who are speaking the truth? =(

I really hate life.. it don't sucks, just that I have a big knot in my heart and people are pulling it tighter and tighter when I wanna untie it.

What should I do? Who can I trust? Who can I look for? PLEASE HELP ME!

So late still up? ya.. (obiviously) ok.. lol.. Every tuesday 100% will stay up late no matter ho fast I do my things or how slow I do my things. Weird!

These few days, my mum and my friend been telling me about people passing away. They are all very sad over the death. To me, I am actually happy for them because they don't have to suffer anymore in this world. Maybe there is something more interesting for them somewhere else? We can never know. But.. sometimes when I think what will happen if one day.. ..... I will be sad too.. but at the same time will I be happy for them?

Oh well, I guess all these can't be helped. However, why are others dying but not me? I WANT TO DIE IN SLEEP! But seriously if I am not going to die in sleep right, I wouldn't want to die. Very contradicting right..? Cos obviously I can't really think now cos it's very late at night le..

Since last weeks, most of my entries are either on life or death.. There's a reason for me doing so. It is because I can't really find a way to live properly. (Eh.. I am not too sure about the definition of proper). Sometimes life is just so dead and bored that I see no "life". I am also looking for the best way to die.

haiz.. really ah.. when holiday right, I shall take one whole week to find things and study life..! As for the time being, just life for the sake of living. Live day passing one day by one day for no reason. If any of you wanna kill me, please do so. the thing is one stab MUST die hor. If you wanna kill me with 2 or more cut or stab or by other means, I will call police and sue you for making me suffering. But if can kill me with just a cut or stab and I can die the next second, you will be rewarded, and show police this entry that you won't be sue or charge for murder cos is I am willing to let you kill me. ya!

AND I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS!

Today? early in the morning got call up for nothing.. -.` lol..

Life passed one day by one day.. and getting more lost and lost in life.. #.- Really don't have any motivation to live on.. I can't find any purpose living in this world.. Life is like so boring and dull. Everyday, go school, come home, eat, do homework, sleep. Weekend: wake up eat, go out, come home, eat, sleep. ~.` Nothing interesting!

Ya, I know what we do will affect others.. But others are going to die one day.. Those people affect by them are going to die one day too.. I mean is like when everyone is going to die one day, why did we live? Did we live for the sake of death? I had a friend told me that he hate see death. As for what's the reason, I have no idea. not that I like to see death but.. ALL of us are going to die one day. It's only a matter of early or late.

These few days been having comprehension about life, lessons talking about life.. etc.. All these are telling us to treasure our life, our lifes are precious. But seriously, I don't see how precious life is, i don't see the reason why we need to treasure life.

Not long again, I was talking to one of my friends about life, he said that our reason for living is we affect others.. but like i said above, ALL of us are going to die one day. Does it really matters how we affect others when ALL of us are going to die one day?

People said that I thought of all these are only making my life difficult and complicated. To me, I really don't see any motivation and reason to have a life on Earth. You may ask, why don't I commit suicide. I really wanna die. I really wanna someone come and kill me. Or die in a sleep. I don't want to commit suicide cos I don't want to cos pain for myself, as in.. the stab hurts.. but if someone kills me, the pain come from someone else. Die in sleep will be the best.. no pain at all.. PERFECT DEATH!

Readers, if you like living in this world, can tell me why??

A new week gotta start, yet I feel very chaotic. -.` I been feeling dizzy since ytd night till just now around 4pm.. ya..

Shall just be a short entry.. need to get back to work and go and rest.. =)

I guess I think I know what is happening..
But oh well.. I think sould keep some stuffs within myself..

Whole day been doing homework.. hoping can finish all the homework today.. thn can go enjoy tmr.. .


Things to clear up this weekend:
~~Perth Proposal
~~Perth Scapebook
~~Photos for T Li Ling (really very sorry..)
~~Physics Workbook
~~A. Maths
~~E.Maths
~~English
~~Chinsese
~~Chemistry
~~Social Studies
~~ Teachers' Day Plan

Till now.. only manage to finish:
--Phy Wb, A.Maths, Eng, Chinese.. Oh well.. thouugh I am busy but people please do not ASSUME that I can't cope.. lol.. ya..

Ok.. now shall go back and do the others already.. later then update blog again.. =)

This week is pretty bad for me.. Really bad I guess..

Too much things already.. I guess.. sister very sorry.. Really very sorry.. I didn't mean it, I didn't know that there will be such a great impact.. Very sorry..

Now all I care only the big matters.. can't really bother with the trivia matters.. Sister and I, the sistership seems bad.. I am really afraid with what's gonna happened.. Though it hurts me, this isn't what I want to see. Really.. Everything has come and gone too fast.. I guess.. Maybe its so fast that everyone can't handle it well.. Yet, I can do nothing about it.. Was it my fault..?

I am really bothered over it.. I really hope i can do something about it.. Amirah, you are right.. what you told me the other time was right.. Now, I am lost? or maybe I am not..

Whatever it is.. Hope nothing big and scary is gonna happened.. and Take care sister.. If there's anyway, I can help you.. PLease, Please, Please tell me...

Today, was still feeling abit sick.. Could hardly sweat.. -.` Anyway, wasn't as serious as yeaterday.

Today's Bio and Phy test.. Ok? think so. lol.. ya.. Hopefully! But nvm.. its OVER!

Today netball trg.. normal.. lol.. ya.. normal.. but still has rooms for improvement! YA!!!

Shall stop here today.. BYE!!

Fever today.. but I didn't realise until Li Ling told me.. LOL.. ya.. was trembling.. Thought was just only feeling nervous therefore tremble.. (nervous for what? no idea) Ya.. after school, ask my friends to see if I am really having fever.. Ya.. I am.. I just keep on trembling till I finally SWEAT!! Thought got better but after the sweat dry up, fever came back.. ~.` Obviously no one care! Ya.. everyone only bother about the training.. Maybe in my daily life I didn't care for others.. oh well.. this maybe a retribution.. Fever wasn't that bad.. worst part.. EXTRA TRAINING on Fri! I am going to curse and swear the person who does so.. HMPH! Damn it.. Was very irritated by it..

Was most upset when just now, someone just can't be bothered.. I almost wanna blown up.. but nvm.. I know that someone has someone and ya.. NVM!

Ok.. test revision now.. ya. BIO + PHY! -.~

More than often.. sadness and disappointment covers my happiness

I don't know why.. yeaterday night, I had this thinking.. Its was very complicated and messy.. Here's what I am thinking: (you simply refer to NO ONE)

Why was this earth created..? How was it created..? When Earth was created what was the purpose of it..? What the point of living on Earth where everyone in this earth is selfish..? (you maybe offended by this sentence, but think through, is it true?) How was man created..? This Earth is just simply weird.. We are going to live and die one day.. What's pt of livig when we are going to die one day..? Is like, what's call life? Doing so much in this life and one day everything is just going vanish as you can't take it away with you.. More than often we are force to do what we don't really like to do.. We are seriously studying for the sake of studying.. Every rules and regulations are set by humans.. Why did humans set such rules and regulations? why went we go school. we must wear uniform and not other type of clothing? very often, if we don't follow the correct and acceptable way of living we are being left out by the WHOLE WORLD! worst still got punished for not following rules and regulations.. Just take for e.g stealing.. If a person steal things, he is called a criminal.. but in the first plae did we ask why did he steal? Why on erath everything must be buy using money? YOu earn the money, you will spend it.. it will be a money cycle.. Ok, maybe you wanna be rich.. but end of the day you are going to die, you can't bring money with you.. or maybe you wanna leave the money for your next generation.. Why do we need to have next generation? Ok, this what many people call life cycle.. is it necessary to have a life cycle?? When the next generation is born, do they really wanna be born?? Life is like so complicated, we have to face so many things.. and often, money made life difficult for everyone.. This world is just simply so not a world..

Ya.. this was just simply my thinking.. Only part of it.. cos. I really think through alot of things ytd.. now, back to word again.. ya.. BYE!

Damn freaking pissed off still.. ya.. can obviously see that I get irritated damn easily today.. Ya.. really very easily.. so please try not to irritate mi.. or you re really going to suffer from my blast.. serious.. no joke..

School as usual.. boring.. =( ya.. Now i see bio then wanna tear the book already yet I wanna get an A1.. ~.` sian lo.. haiz..

Went west mall after school.. damn it! No Eng textbook again.. ....... Siao liao lo.. history gonna repeat again.. Sian! Pray hard that I dun have to run through out the whole Singapore just to get the Eng book like the other time whereby I gt my Eng at Tampines.. -.-

Ok.. that's all for today.. Homework time..


*The sight of you make me puke..~ Still damn pissed off~*

Got myself a new skin.. ya.. This is the 5th skin I made.. A bit not my usual style.. Ya.. But Hopefully can get my message of this skin across.. lol.. ya.. and also to "CELEBRATE" 1 yr old of my blog.. yup.. In 7 days time.. its my blog 1 yr old "birthday"

I spent quite a long time to do this.. cos I have no idea what the layout should be..

Do rate my blog.. there's a poll at the 5th navigation

OK.. homeworking time.. lol..

* hv u read the msg? *

These few days things weren't going very smooth..

Wed NPCC training was quite bad.. things didn't went well at all..

Thu Netball training wasn't too bad.. But I was pissed off at a moment that I really shouted.. Some of the juniors were performing so badly that I really wanna say that they sucks.. The seniors were doing a wonderful job.. And Thanks Mdm Chan..

Fri Councilor Investiture went well.. but when I reach home.. Something real horrible happened.. and shall see what will I kena on Mon.. ~.`

Today will be a homework day..

and.. my aim now is get A1 for BIO! HMPH!

Having a pile of homework today.. Ya, missed today's netball at BBEC there.. =(

Been busy this week.. and ya, have quite few things not done yet.. )=
1. Perth PP slide
2. Perth Scape bk
3. TD Proposal
4. English W.S
5. 40 Bio MCQ
6. Mindmap (Bio)
7. Prepare for tests
8. Get the photos done
9. Settle my NPCC stuffs
10. Physics Wkbk

... Ya.. been on a really down mood.. Wanted to get some help but I only had people gving me problems.. So I just simply heck them and shall not discuss things with them..

In my mind, I been wondering who can I talk to.. When I am down, I can hardly concentrate.. Maybe this is mood swing.. I have no idea.. oh well.. sometimes feel really sian man..

Ok, guess that's all for today.. need to go and finish what's mentioned above..

~.- *sign*

Feeling very down today.. can hardly concentrate.. ya.. thinking n thinking n thinking.. of? 3 questions:

What's life?
Who am I?
What's feelings?

3 simple questions yet in my 15 yrs of life I have not figure the answer out yet.. I feel guilty today.. for not doing something.. Honestly, I don't really know the definition for guilty but that what most people say.. Words and description are set by humans.. they set the language.. sometimes, really don't know what to use to descrbe things and feelings.. If I were to use my own words, no one can understand me.. If I use what's set, I have no idea what to use.. Often, I really don't know what am I feeling, because I have no words to tell myself so..

Someone will hate someone when the person can't accept the other person behaviour.. Ya, this is true.. but.. what's call acceptable behaviour?? Everything are being set by humans.. Humans set the rules and regulation.. In my opinion, some rules and regulation are set due to selfishness.. some are set because they care for others.. But whether is it for themselves or others, the moments these rules and regulation are set, EVERYONE MUST follow.. Haiz.. By following rules and regualtions is that call life??

Then, what the correct way of living?? Do what is expected of others..?? I have no idea.. really no idea.. To me, hardest thing to do in the world is to lead a simple life.. Many times, feeling "don't know"(others call this feeling: lost), yet I have act as if I know.. Well.. I really have no idea, how to be myself.. what exactly is life to me?? How should I feel to be myself? What should I do to be myself??

Answer: don't know!

*sign!*

Gonna go back to school soon.. =( for councilor rehearsal.. I can't get a cord shoe that has my size.. URGH! lol.. oh well.. nvm..

In school, can be happy, but out of school.. all the emotions come.. I have no idea why.. but sonehow sad these few days over certain matters.. well.. Hope can overcome them.. =]

I REALLY MISS PRIMARY SCHOOL LIFE!! VERY! Really wanna go back to those days.. Went back to pri sch on tues.. went looking round the school.. lots lots, and lots of memories flashback.. ya.. I really gotta say.. my primary school is so much better than my secondary school.. In term of system, facilities, discipline, educate, etc.. (THIS IS ONLY MY OPNION!!) Really wanna go back there and study.. but well.. we always have to move on in life.. can't always stay at the same spot and not moving.. Having dinnemia.. LOL.. ok.. I gtg liao..

Shall be back later.. anyway..

FRANCE GOT INTO THE FINALS!! =D

This is my 200th entry.. =) My blog is going to ONE YEAR OLD!! and ya, I year has passed since I started writing my blog and creating blogskins.. Currently, this is still my fourth blogskins.. not having any plan to have new blogskin.. Maybe when I had reach my target.=)

These few days been kind of lazy to update my blog.. FRANCE won BRAZIL!! Was surprised but wasn't shock since they were once a champion in the year 1998.. =P These few days, Brazil had lots of critism as well.. Oh well, in my opinion, I think that the fans should not have so much critism about Brazil.. there must be a winner AND a loser.. If France lost, people will said that they can't make it, whatever shit.. Why don't we just take it that France luck is better this time round.. Though I support France for this World Cup, I agree that Brazil has the potential to be the champion.. =) Another match, England VS Portugual.. Many poeple were expecting England to win.. Well.. just like Brazil, they lost.. History repeated, they lost at the penalty.. Penaly really got to depends on luck. I just hope that England can have better luck next tie round.. =))

Ok, that's all for the time being.. gotta sleep already.. =)