I am feeling very lost now.. Maybe its cos I am tired.. maybe its not..

Had a horrible week?? Maybe I am, Maybe I am not.. Don't know..

But some news really made me mad.. People are looking down on the team.. Everywhere has problems now.. Feeling lost on how to solve the problems.. People just can't be bothered.. cos I don't think they don't even bother to find out?? Nvm.. Wanted to talk to my sister.. but will.. she must be busy with own personnel life.. so ya..

Kinda troubled now.. I guess..

Have few things that I promised but they are undone.. ~.` Very sorry people, if I own you things.. Especially Amirah.. very sorry.. Give me a bit of time to get back myself..

and yaa.. I am realy not myself not.. as for, what exactly is called myself.. I actually have no idea.. OK, I am lost now..confirm that I am lost.. think so bah.. ya..

Sister, if you read this.. I really wanna talk to you!!! 543: if you read this please give me a call.. OLL: if you read this, please give me a call!!

Can't really find a words to describe my feelings now.. I am angry, disappointed, lost, confuse and?? don't know.. ya!.. ok.. nvm..

Shall go and rest.. Maybe after a sleep things will be better.. =]

Can school starts at night..? lol.. I knows this is totally ridiculous.. haha..

I wish this can come true.. Studying at night is so nice.. For me, its true.. for others I am not to sure.. heehee.. This few days, been doing homework until 3, 4 am in the morning, after a few hours sleep, I am still awake.. hahaha..

=]

Happy BIRTHDAY.. to Calista..

Her birthday is on 24th. ya.. no mistake.. =)

Today..?? Homework, homework.. and homework.. lol.. I manage to finish CL, A.Maths(left graph'-`) and looking for the paper that has the website for the Chemistry.. lol.. Left with Bio, Eng.. Weehee.. =)

While reading the Chinese book that is needed to complete the homework, alot of thoughts went through my mind.. Title: Yi1 Xiang4 Qing2 Yuan3. Its a book that reveal life in Singapore.. and I find that its very true.. and alot of feeling overwhelm me when I was reading it.. lol.. can try reading it.. through words used are of higher level but these words really bring out the feelings.. =)

Just now smsed him.. well.. was actually looking a night-chatter.. but no one can stay up till as late as I do.. lol.. I mean not that there is someone that I can chat with and they stay till as late as now.. lol.. Use to have 2 night chatter.. but now.. not even one available.. lol.. its ok.. =)

Back to my work already.. 2 days left to finished the rest.. ._.

Netball as usual.. but today.. really BASIC!!.. *sigh* oh well.. but nvm.. Don't know why.. today can't run for long man.. will pant lik dog after a short run.. and my knee HURTS!.. *sobx*

What's the definition of holiday?
Ans: stay away from work..

School holiday??
Ans: stay away from school work..

But this is never true man! Teachers LOVE to give tons of homework during holiday.. and make themselves mark like mad.. or some don't even bother to look through.. ~.- I find it weird.. Students can't finish the work.. and when school reopen, teachers will scold as if there is no tomorrow.. When all the homework are handed in, they mark like mad.. if not, can't be bothered to look at it..

Don't you guys find it weird?? Is like, what's the point torturing everyone?? Maybe, by doing homework can improve the subjects.. but the thing is.. if someone is hardworking, he/she will find the way out to improve, if he/she is lazy, no metter how much work you give, no improvement can be seen.. For me, I will only bother in the subjects that I am interested.. What's worse.. I even heard people stressed with HOLIDAY HOMEWORK!! my goodness.. this is totally a torture for students..

Teachers are so weird.. emmm...

Feel like blogging again.. lol..

Been kind of sian just now.. I realised alot of things nowadays..

I had been kind of lazy these few days.. lol.. but seriously ah.. gotta work hard man.. I was so slacked that I forgot quite a no. of formula.. ~.- Keep on don't have the mood to study.. *sigh* What am I becoming man?? lol.. ok.. well.. now shall work hard!

Just now I realise I had a book that I borrowed and its overdue!!! for 8 days liao.. *diao* my goodness..

Seeing people sad again.. not just one but a few.. life really that sad ma?? Some of them is just like how I felt in the past.. oh well.. I crawl out from the darkness slowly.. ya.. people.. don't give up.. ya? Keep going..

I realised my mistakes.. really.. gonna have something done.. before everything is too late.. =)
*Is this true?*

Ok la.. go back to the pile of homework liao.. =)

Never be the Jack of trade, be the King of trade..

YES!! haha..
I guess this is a sentence that I must always remember in my mind.. as well as this sentence:
Its nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice..

Had somehow reflected on myself.. on the past and the present..
and I realised.. Oh well, the past has been the past.. it can never be the future.. All I can do now is change and be better in future.. =)

Went for some netball just now.. my friend had some problem.. I have no idea how to help her.. I can't even make her feel better.. mmm.. how?? What can I do? Buddy, take sometime and relax.. ya??

Just now netball, nothing much.. shooting and shooting.. cos my shooting is not up to my standard yet.. need to be improved.. M!

Now then I realise.. I have LOTS of HOMEWORK LEFT!!! AHH!! haha.. nvm.. at most scolding only.. BLAHAHAHA..

=)

Apologise, and aplogise.. seriously.. this is what I wana say.. to: my team who played last 2 days at the street netball.. and to the opponents who we played with..

The street netball didn't really gone well.. But I tried my best.. sorry to all the above mentioned people..

My team won 1 out of 7 matches..
Here's the result.. one game 15 min..
XNIJ: 25-0
HSS1: 3-2 (could have at least draw.. it was my fault.. =( )
Chilli Padi: 1-5 (the only match we won)
Dynamic: 11-1
Climax: 17-1
Team Estrelas: 13-0
Ichi: 26-1

Went I came home, I had 16 hours of sleep..

I am still tired now.. ~.`

Very pissed off now..

Because? Nothing is going right..

Please work as a team.. I know it was my fault.. but I hope I can be forgiven and let's work as a team..

What can I say about today?

A bad day? well. I made it a bad day..

Was it wrong for me to say what I have said..? What could I have done? Was it my fault to get angry..?

Well.. nevermind.. whatever it is.. Let time do part of the job.. while I think how to resolve it.. =)

Talking to my sister now.. haha.. ok.. actually wanted to talk serious stuffs but ya.. end up crapping session..

I promised to stay happy..

Ok, I will.. I will nt be sad over a stupid guy.. ok.. not stupid.. haha watever..

the SUN is back.. HAHA..

People.. no more worries..
Thanks to EC and Amirah.. =)

Why sad?
Happiness is the better way to live.. =)

Life turned its angle..
Love sank..
Feelings are to be kept..
Days turned dark..

Rain freezes..
Ice melted..

The corner turned with every moments vanishing..

Never wants this again..

Sorry everyone..
Its my fault today..

A big thanks to Juli.. =)

Disappointment is all I experienced today..
Why?
Reason for not putting in effort:
Lazy..
Leg wobble..

Bullsh*t..
This didn't create that much of disappointment..
Is when people said they give up..
I wanna run and run and run..
Non-stop..

I hate hearing it..
Why can others make it but not us?
Was it my fault?
What can I do to improve?

I have people telling me:
We can't make it la..

When you know can't do it..
WORK HARD!!

Nevermind..

People.. I know I should cheer up..
But I really don't know how..
Please give me suggestions..

Can you be there again?

Netball has never failed to cheer me up,
Make up my mistakes..
Yet, this time, netball only work for half of it..

I seemed so lousy..
The moment thoughts of someone come..
My mind was ruined..

What has the someone did..
Is actually 2 people..(Not my sister)
I do not know how to present myself
whenever she come to my mind..
I lost my way of direction
whenever she appear..
I am scare of her..
Is there anything going to happen to my Netball??
I am scare...

The other one??
He gave me EVERYTHING..
Happy, Sad, Disappointment, Fustration, everything..
When he left..
What's left?
Everything other then happy..
Why can't I be happy?
He was once too important to me..

Who is he?
Why can't I simply said it out?
Cos..
Because..
I am scared..
I am afraid of facing the consequences..

I am facing him almost everyday
Even during holidays.. (Not my brothers.. ~.~)
Cos, even in my dreams, he appeared..

Months and days have passed..
Yet, thoughts have not been forgotten..

After months,
why all of a sudden, so much of him came out??
cos,
I miss him..

How much do I miss him?
All of his msg are kept..
All his picts are kept..
All his words are remembered..
Everything of him remained in my mind..

I really wish 2 years ago..
I don't get to know him..
Don't get to see him..
will everything still be the same..?
When I don't see him, know him??

Haiz..
and Haiz..
and only haiz..

Could I have done more?
Could I have been more devoted?
Or could have have just do nothing?
What's the correct path?
I don't know..
I really don't know..

Thanks heaven..
One more year..
I will leave the sad place..
The place that had too much too much bad memories..

I use to say that canteen is beautiful..
But now, the canteen is just so ugly and empty..

In the past, no matter how bad my day is..
Him and/or netball..
NEVER fail to cheer me up..
But now......

Since I came back from the trip..
I seem sad..
Yes, I am sad..
You can say I write this cos I am AA..
Whatever..
I am emo..
Up to you..

I gotta say..
this trip has told me truth..
Nothing but truth..

Though truth are cruel..
But they are good truth..
They are good truth, why am I sad??
Why??
Cos, I don't know how to react to it..

Life oh life..
Cheer up?
I don't know how..
When everything goes wrong,
How do I face it?
Is this called stress?
I think its call sadness..

Am I the only one feeling such after the trip?
Am I?
If you are, do tag..

How can I make myself feel better?
Do things that I should do?
But that's shouldn't be the way..

Though I feel sad
Yet, I can't cry..
Or, I am not sad actually?
Or it wasn't called sad?
I don't know..
Its up to individual to interpret..
To me..
sad is what I called..

What I wanna do now?
Shout and scream my lungs out..
This seen mad..
But its the best way to get rid of my sadness..
Since I have no one to talk to now..
Don't tell me, I can talk to you..
There is only 2 and 1/2 people
That i can talk to with no fear..
But none of them is available now..

I really hope to talk to him again..
But I know I can't..
Well.. he is not the 2 and 1/2 people..
I never tell him anything about myself..
As in, deep in details..

I still remember..
Last year 15th April..
.................................

But its all over..
Nothing can change..
Cos..
If anything change..
the price to pay is high..
I mean Really High..

Now, it just seem like last year Aug..
Things were bad then..

How bad?
second worst period of my life..

I know its no point being sad..
But I really don't know what to do to pick myself up..

After truth are been discovered..
I am..
Lost..?
I don't know..
my mind..
is just simply...
I don't know..
Yet I need to act as if..
I know..

Who can help?
Only you!
Who?
HIM!
Who?
I don't know..
cos..
I know he will never appear again..
Who else?
The 2 and 1/2 people..
Where are they?
Not in Singapore..
1/2??
Don't wanna talk with this 1/2 person again..

Nvm...

Whoever knows..
knows..
Whoever don't know..
Please don't ask..

Thanks..

......

Here's an entry for netball..

Gathering for HGV netballers..
-24th June..
-East Coast Park..
-ALL NETBALLERS!
-Include current batch of sec 4, Ai ping and Xue ting as well as current HGV Netballers..
-will be meeting Kai Ling
-For more info.. contact Marianne..
-Thanks!

Street Netball Competition
-17th, 18th June..
-Plaza Singapura
-The 2 team Players..
-Please contact me to meet up for training..
-My plan:
-->training dates as following: Today, 13th, 15th June..
-->Time: 5.30pm
-->Venue: a netball court outside school..
-->For more info: contact me..
-Do come down and support us..
-The competition will start at 11am

Ytd, there was NSL at Toa Payoh Sports Hall.. Wonderful!!
Congrats to KaiLing!!

Thanks to 4 pretty ladies out there..
Stacie, Amirah, Sarina and Diyva..

You guys tried your best to brighten the trip for me..
Thanks with love from the bottom of my heart..

I really wanna scream..
I really wanna shout..
Things were worst than I expected..
Life turned into dark clouds..
Never wants it again..
Yet, I don't know what to do..
Horrible feelings made me feel SUCKS..
The world overturned and tell me to stop..
Yet, I have no idea how to stop..

Who am I?
I am no one..
Who are you guys?
You guys are wonderful..

What happened?
Many things..
Have I changed?
I don't know..
But I guess I did..
For better?
I don't know..

What's the main cause?
Partly is this trip that made me think..
Partly is cos of what happened on 12 March..
What's 12 March?
The day, that my love has to be kept..
The day, that I almost lost everything..
The day, that I cried for the longest..
The day, that I never want it again..
The day, that I think that life is evil..
The day, the day, the day..

Why the trip?
Isn't it fun?
Isn't there so many first time?
Isn't it?
No.. all turn all rotten..
Its a trip that I spoilt my own image..
Its a trip that I wanna apologize..
Its a trip that I shouldn't go..
Its a trip that is not for me..
Its a trip that made me know what's in my heart..

What's in my heart..?
My heart only contain evil and evil..
Why?
I guess its what I have been true..
I can't be like others..
Others are good..
I am lousy..

Can someone get me out of this nightmare?
Please..
I had enough..
But I don't know what to do to stop..
I really don't know..

....

I was excited over it..
Happy about it..
Yet, it turn out to be dark clouds..
the darkness cover me..

There was so many first times
yet, the first times didn't really turn out to be good
Wanna thanks a few people who gave me shines

I wil never forget the darkness that cover me..
the situations that I met
make me lost my way..

I really don't know who I am..
I felt so evil..
I felt so sad..
I really don't know what's life..

I sucks..
You hate me..
Its not your fault..

The moment words are out..
I feel so lousy..

I don't know what is call care..
Everything I do is for the sake that I am scared..
I know this is wrong..

I know I am selfish..
Yes! I know..
Cos I feel that life is evil..

For everything in the world..
It seem to be against me..

Whatever I wanna do..
People aren't putting in effort for it..

I really don't know what's life
What's the meaning of it..?
I don't know what am I getting at the end of the day..

Perth good?
Ans: Not too bad..

Enjoyable?
Ans: ok la..

Wanna go again?
Ans: YES!! I LOVE THE BEACH!

Ok.. for the time being that's all for Perth.. when I get picts.. then I update more bt it..

Well during this long journey.. many things happened.. and think though many many things..
I somehow lost my way.. I don't know how to carry myself.. Feeling damn horrible..

Sometimes its wrong to walk away
Though we think its over,
knowing when there's more to say
Suddenly, the moments gone
and our dreams have ended here
and you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me
have you ever love and lost somebody
wished there was a chance to say I love you
Can't you see?
That's the way I feel about you and me, baby..

This was part of my performance.. but I wanna say this to ______

This will most probably my last entry before I turn 15! Cos 2 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!

These few days, though holi, but still can see me in school.. Today got Solar Car Competition.. HAIZZ.. ARGH!!! haha..

To my dear sis here: I will treasure you man.. I realise something.. I promise to treasure you!
To Pei Yun: I promise to help you in al ways I can just like how my sis helped me.. At least I will give you a hug everyday.. I promise!

I am very excited now man! Over? hehe.. shall not tell first! When I update my blog again then tell.. Blah..

Oh no! gotta go busy first.. update my when I am free..!

Anyway.. THANKS MUM!! THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT I EVER GET!