Life seem kind of meaningless to me.. I nowadays feel very aimless.. I don't know why I changed alot.. Change to no fighting spirit, character changed and its kind of horrible, times to times I get irritated very easily.. Am I turning bad?? If that's so, before I turned to hopeless, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!! I am really scare that one day I will become one of the Ah Lian on street..
I don't know why I can feel that people around me dislike me and wish I can stop talking to them forever.. I kind of feeling lonely at times.. haiz..
Once again, I got into my saddest mood.. I really feel like screaming out, cry out loud.. I really don't feel like going on 4th March.. What I wish to do now.. is sleep and will never wake up again.. I don't wish to face to reality.. It's so painful.. It hurts alots.. I feel that I am like back to last year August--after CT2, where everything was messed up and my life were never good again till end of Jan'06..! After a month, thing turned back.. What i hope now is all the mess can be cleared asap..
How much more pain and saddness do I have to go through at one shot before life can be good again..? Not that there can't be sadness and pain.. But can at least the pain and sadness don't drag over months?? The pain and saddness often kill me mentally..
Sometimes, I wish I can have no felings to anything, everything at all.. Whatever things that I heard today and yesterday.. My heart broke.. It's bleeding now.. The painfulness can't be described in words.. I hate this kind of life.. I took a very long time to recover from the other time.. But seem that this time, I will have to go through the same old process of recovering.. :( I regretted doing something.. People always say that if we never try, how can we succeed? But when we know that we will sure lost, what's the point of trying?? Haiz..
Life oh life? what kind of life is it now??
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