Netball has never failed to cheer me up,
Make up my mistakes..
Yet, this time, netball only work for half of it..

I seemed so lousy..
The moment thoughts of someone come..
My mind was ruined..

What has the someone did..
Is actually 2 people..(Not my sister)
I do not know how to present myself
whenever she come to my mind..
I lost my way of direction
whenever she appear..
I am scare of her..
Is there anything going to happen to my Netball??
I am scare...

The other one??
He gave me EVERYTHING..
Happy, Sad, Disappointment, Fustration, everything..
When he left..
What's left?
Everything other then happy..
Why can't I be happy?
He was once too important to me..

Who is he?
Why can't I simply said it out?
Cos..
Because..
I am scared..
I am afraid of facing the consequences..

I am facing him almost everyday
Even during holidays.. (Not my brothers.. ~.~)
Cos, even in my dreams, he appeared..

Months and days have passed..
Yet, thoughts have not been forgotten..

After months,
why all of a sudden, so much of him came out??
cos,
I miss him..

How much do I miss him?
All of his msg are kept..
All his picts are kept..
All his words are remembered..
Everything of him remained in my mind..

I really wish 2 years ago..
I don't get to know him..
Don't get to see him..
will everything still be the same..?
When I don't see him, know him??

Haiz..
and Haiz..
and only haiz..

Could I have done more?
Could I have been more devoted?
Or could have have just do nothing?
What's the correct path?
I don't know..
I really don't know..

Thanks heaven..
One more year..
I will leave the sad place..
The place that had too much too much bad memories..

I use to say that canteen is beautiful..
But now, the canteen is just so ugly and empty..

In the past, no matter how bad my day is..
Him and/or netball..
NEVER fail to cheer me up..
But now......

Since I came back from the trip..
I seem sad..
Yes, I am sad..
You can say I write this cos I am AA..
Whatever..
I am emo..
Up to you..

I gotta say..
this trip has told me truth..
Nothing but truth..

Though truth are cruel..
But they are good truth..
They are good truth, why am I sad??
Why??
Cos, I don't know how to react to it..

Life oh life..
Cheer up?
I don't know how..
When everything goes wrong,
How do I face it?
Is this called stress?
I think its call sadness..

Am I the only one feeling such after the trip?
Am I?
If you are, do tag..

How can I make myself feel better?
Do things that I should do?
But that's shouldn't be the way..

Though I feel sad
Yet, I can't cry..
Or, I am not sad actually?
Or it wasn't called sad?
I don't know..
Its up to individual to interpret..
To me..
sad is what I called..

What I wanna do now?
Shout and scream my lungs out..
This seen mad..
But its the best way to get rid of my sadness..
Since I have no one to talk to now..
Don't tell me, I can talk to you..
There is only 2 and 1/2 people
That i can talk to with no fear..
But none of them is available now..

I really hope to talk to him again..
But I know I can't..
Well.. he is not the 2 and 1/2 people..
I never tell him anything about myself..
As in, deep in details..

I still remember..
Last year 15th April..
.................................

But its all over..
Nothing can change..
Cos..
If anything change..
the price to pay is high..
I mean Really High..

Now, it just seem like last year Aug..
Things were bad then..

How bad?
second worst period of my life..

I know its no point being sad..
But I really don't know what to do to pick myself up..

After truth are been discovered..
I am..
Lost..?
I don't know..
my mind..
is just simply...
I don't know..
Yet I need to act as if..
I know..

Who can help?
Only you!
Who?
HIM!
Who?
I don't know..
cos..
I know he will never appear again..
Who else?
The 2 and 1/2 people..
Where are they?
Not in Singapore..
1/2??
Don't wanna talk with this 1/2 person again..

Nvm...

Whoever knows..
knows..
Whoever don't know..
Please don't ask..

Thanks..

......